How To become a follower on Dr. Amy's Blog

To FOLLOW Dr. Amy’s Blog:

Blogspot allows you to follow Dr. Amy’s blog.  This feature will send notifications whenever Dr. Amy has updated her blog with new posts or links, keeping you up-to-date with all the great information Dr. Amy wants to provide. 

1. Go to Dr. Amy’s Blog at developyourmindset.blogspot.com.
2. On the left hand side of the page under Dr. Amy’s photo is a button that says Follow.  Click this button.
3. Blogspot allows you to use accounts you already have with the following web/email services: Google, Twitter, AIM, NetLog, or OpenID.  If you do not have an account on one of those services, you are also given the opportunity to create a new account using Google.
4. Click on the account you will be using.
5. Enter your user name for that account (and, if asked, enter your password).
6. You might be taken to another webpage that says “Sign In” and asks if you would like to share your information with http://*google.com.  Click Continue.
7. After entering in your name/password, you will be asked if you would like to follow Dr. Amy’s blog publicly (others will be able to see that you are following this blog) or privately (notifications will be sent to your email address).  Choose whichever one you would prefer.
8. Finally, click Follow This Blog.  You will now start receiving notifications whenever Dr. Amy has updated the blog.
9. Enjoy!

Written By:  Jayar LaRoche

Personal Development: When Opinions Become Facts

Stop for a moment and ask yourself: What is the difference between an opinion and a fact? Think about this for a moment: a fact versus an opinion.  How do you think knowing and acknowledging the difference between them can impact your life?

Webster’s Dictionary defines an opinion as “a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter.”  Many of the ideas we have are opinions; they are conclusions about particular things based on ideas we already have in our mind.  When you see someone, or are presented with a new idea, your opinion is based on prior experiences and knowledge.  Some opinions are positive and helpful.  Those opinions can develop into a healthy self-esteem, healthy relationships, and a healthy outlook on life.  But many times our opinions become negative.  Negative opinions often lead to stereotyping, misinterpreting situations, and creating false realities.  Negative opinions can hurt and hinder true development, especially when those opinions are misinterpreted as facts.

Think about some of the opinions that you now hold concerning your life.  How do you feel about yourself?  How do you feel about your job?  Your house?  Your partner?  Your children?  Are these beliefs set in stone, or do you have room to change and tweak each opinion?  If you are set in your opinion, you might be misinterpreting things as concrete facts, when indeed they are just opinions. 

For example, I often hear friends talk about how they cannot find a partner.  They lament, “There are no good men/women in the world!”  Have you ever said this, or found yourself thinking it?  That simply is an opinion that isn’t true; there are many great people in the world.  If you feel that you are worthy to be loved, then you yourself are a good person and you have nullified your earlier belief that there were no good people in the world.  When the idea that there are no loving men or women around, it becomes your reality and you begin treating potential mates with suspicion and mistrust.  When you meet someone new are you open to their individual differences or do you automatically assume certain things about them based on prior opinions that you might feel are facts?  You can see now how having an opinion that you believe is a fact can stop you from finding other wonderful people in the world. 

I’ve been told, “There are no good jobs out there.”  Again, this is not a fact, this is simply an opinion.  There are good jobs and careers out there, even in this economy.  There are people who are going to work every day, to a job they absolutely love.  Why might you not be one of them?  If you have become stuck in your thinking that you won’t find a great job or a career that suits you, you will act out those beliefs in your daily life.  You will stop looking for a great job or you may give up on your dream career.  You can find yourself in a dead-end job, hating it and creating a negative energy around you and your workplace.  So many people get stuck in this rut; they believe that there is nothing better out there for them when that simply is not true.  You have to realize that this is a negative opinion and not reality. 

“I’m just not good enough” is another negative opinion that I have heard far too often.  Years of low self-esteem or low self-worth can cause you to strongly believe that you are just not attractive enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, etc.  But again, these are opinions that you have accumulated in your mind.  They are not facts.   You have to firmly believe in your inner and outer beauty and strength and reaffirm that belief every chance you get.  If you believe that you are not attractive, you will internalize that negativity and act as though you are not a beautiful person.  You will withdraw from people and you might feel an incredible void in your life.  That is no way to live! 

You have to remind yourself that opinions are based in the mind and as such, they can be changed in the mind as well!  When you repeat negative opinions over and over in your mind, you are simply cementing their stronghold on your life and making it harder to reach your true potential.  An opinion can be changed.  Our opinions are changed when presented with new or conflicting information.  And no matter how engrained our opinions may be, no matter how much we might believe something to be a fact, there is always a chance to turn that negative opinion into a neutral or positive opinion.  Continuously ask yourself: Is what I am feeling or thinking an opinion or a fact? 

The ability to change your negative opinions into positive opinions lies within you.  It might seem difficult to believe, but it is true.  Once you acknowledge that your beliefs are simply opinions and allow yourself the wiggle room to change them and mold them into positive beliefs, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.  If you stop believing that there are no good men or woman out there and acknowledge that there are great people, you will open yourself up to many incredible friends and potential mates.  When you change that “no good jobs” into “I will find a great job someday”, you will live your life in search of what you will love and be passionate about.  And when you stop thinking negatively about yourself and stop speaking in terms of facts instead of changeable opinions, you will start seeing yourself in a much more positive light.

You have the ability to be have a life full of positive energy; and that, my friends, is a fact!

Written by: 

Jayar LaRoche

 Associate Contributing Writer

Self-Help: A Message of Hope: What I Know For Sure

... a passage written to me from a dear friend

You know sometimes we find ourselves adrift, going aimlessly in one particular direction, until someone comes along and provides us with a specific path or simply open your eyes to possibilities.  I now realize that it is indeed easy to see when there are no obstacles in your way.  When the fog is thick your vision is limited.  It is at that time that we should reach out beyond our comfort zone and try to visualize what is on the other side, or try to imagine what it would be like to have a clear vision of things to come, verses an unclear mind of the world we should leave behind, or in reality what we call our own.   Well, these past few months have been an eye opener for me.  No one has to tell me to change my five year plan, and no one has to tell me what to want for in my future because you seem to have provided that bright light or should I say that "energy" to look beyond the boundaries we set for ourselves.   You have helped me to realize that it is not okay to accept below average behavior; but rather be willing to release ourselves from the past when the timing is upon us. 

Thank you for giving me hope again, and for providing the spirit to soar and free myself of individual ties.  I now realize that today I have a way of doing things that may need renewing, but provides hope for me.  I can now tell myself, "There is nothing wrong with walking a path of hope, instead of focusing only on what' s not right, or what is not working for me.” Because, when you do this, you can lose yourself in negative thoughts and words from the past.  From you Amy, I have learned that my thoughts and actions will always be ingrained inside my head when I travel down my own desired path.  I now know that living, feeling, touching and seeing is by far greater than any visual aspect one can dream of.  I am willing to walk that walk, feel that feeling and awake to that which has been locked away and protected for far too long. I now realize, without a doubt, that it is not fare to self to hold that which we love so much, and want to experience, tucked away waiting on time.    What I do know for sure, is that we tend to lose and change ourselves so much that we forget that true happiness is indeed possible. Our past should be left in the past!  We cannot revert back to those days because with age should come wisdom.  We are much older now and should be able to get on with our lives.  It's time to change!  I now know that it's time to make some positive changes in my life.  This discovery of a new me is like being an adolescent all over again; growing, stretching, changing, and becoming the true me. 

I look forward to new approaches and new thoughts on life and the greatness of me to come. 

Amy, thanks for helping me see the light and believe in HOPES and DREAMS again.    

More to come... 
____________________________________

To you my dear friend, and to all of my other friends, clients, patients, associates, readers, and colleagues; I say to you today, "Never stop chasing your dreams."  What I know for sure is that life is not to be lived in the past. We all have an option as to what we think, who we love, how we develop, and where we end up in life.  Just remember to always follow a success blueprint that makes sense!

 

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy  

How To Comment on Dr. Amy's Blog

To COMMENT on Dr. Amy’s Blog:
If Dr. Amy posts a blog that touches you, resonates with you, or just makes you think deeper, feel free to comment.  All comments are appreciated (as long as you keep it on topic and without using any offensive language!)  It is simple to add your comment!

1.  Go to Dr. Amy’s Blog at developyourmindset.blogspot.com.

2.  Under each post, there will be a link that says “0 Comments”.  (The link might have another number instead of zero, depending on the number of people that have already commented on that post.)  Click that link.

3.  You should now be on a page with the heading “0 Comments” and a text box underneath.  Write your comment in that box.

4.  Once you are done typing your comment, you should see Comment As: directly under the text box.  Blogspot allows you to use accounts you already have with the following web/email services to post your comment to the blog: Google, LiveJournal, WordPress, TypePad, AIM, or OpenID.  If you do not have one of these services, it is best to join Google to make commenting easier.  Choose the web service that you use in the pull-down menu.

5.  This should open a box that will allow you to enter your name (and password, if asked).  Enter in your name and password.

6.  You should now see your name in the Comment As box.  Click the Post Comment button.  If you would like to preview your post before it is published to the blog, click the Preview button.  (You may be sent to another screen that asks if you want to share your information with Blogspot.com.  Click Continue if you see this screen.  The “information” it is referring to is simply the comment you want to post.)

7.  Blogspot will now show your comment and ask you to type in a word verification.  This is to keep out spammers from posting links onto the blogs.  Enter in the letters, numbers, or word in the text box directly underneath and click the Post Comment button. 

8.  Your comment is now posted onto Dr. Amy’s blog!  Thank you!

Written By:  Jayar LaRoche

Personal Development: Excerpt from Inspiring Moments Show [Emotional Intelligence Strategies to Manage Your Emotions & Triggers to Reach Abundant Success]

PersonalDevelopment: Exerpt from Episode 17 - The Dr. Amy's Inspiring Moments Show - Designing Your Success Action Plan ]

Relationship Advice: Developing the Mindset to Overcome and Recover from a Heartbreak After a Love Relationship Ends Abruptly

Have you ever had someone that you were in love with announce that he/she needed a “break” to get some things in order and was not planning on not seeing you for a while?  Now whatever the reason may be for that person deciding to no longer see you or interact with you for a period of time can definitely be a devastating time in your life.  So what do you do?  Do you just wait for him/her to get themselves together?  Do you just lie down in a ball of hurt and despair and cry yourself into a depression?  Or, do you fight back mentally?

Well, of course if I were the one advising you I would say to first:  find a way to work through the pain of the lost, and then stay strong and develop the mindset (mental toughness) to handle the heartbreak.  Yes, we can experience heartbreaks as adults; it's not just reserved for our teenage children. The important thing to keep in mind is this:  you should never be with anyone who does not want to be with you, or who does not desire you completely.  Let me give you a big reminder here:  LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT!  As adults, we all have to make complicated decisions in our lives every day in reference to relationships, finance, children, etc.  So when it comes to who we love and who we choose to spend our time with - it should not be a difficult decision - you either want to or not.  Love is not difficult; people make it difficult and complicated. Perhaps you should adopt the mindset that I have.  I truly believe that once we hit our 40's, specifically past the age of 45, the drama in relationships should end.  By the age of 45 you should know what you want in a love relationship, and from whom. 

Relationships are complex and require effort to be successful. When your relationship gets put on ‘timeout’ or ends abruptly, you may feel hurt, confused and angry. Getting over someone you felt close to can be difficult, and even more so if you did not want the separation or breakup. It is important to allow yourself time to grieve for the relationship, and you will normally experience a series of emotions: hurt, denial, anger, and acceptance are just a few of the stages of grief you will undergo. However, you can help speed up the recovery process of getting over the heartbreak by taking control of the situation, rather than allowing the situation to control you. Regardless of the reason(s) of the proposed “break” or breakup, when the relationship looks like it’s over, you need to nurse your wounds so you can move on.   Most importantly, you need to accept the situation as it is presented in front of you.  Remember, ACTION speaks louder than words.  Love is simple:  Basically, you should never have to convince anyone else to spend time with you, Either they are in love with you or they aren’t; it’s that simple.  Even if the other person is still telling you that s/he loves you and misses you, ask them these questions: 
a) Why are we separated?  b) Why are you not here holding me in your arms and loving me?  c)  What’s “really” going on?  What is it that's truly keeping you away from me? 

You have to stop deluding yourself that this is a break and not a breakup. The truth of the matter is when you are in love with someone you don’t want to be away from them for any extended amount of time.  Moreover, when you love someone you have a deep desire to stay in constant contact with them, so how do you explain two, three, even four days passing without any form of communication? Yes, with thine self be true!  Stop fooling yourself that it is a break and not a breakup. 

Here are five recommendations to help you develop the mindset to recover from a heartbreak after a love relationship abruptly ends: 

(1)   Reach back to memories of love.  If you experienced a deep connection with that person it will be difficult at first to get use to the change or separation.  However, choose to focus on the good times, and minimize the thoughts of the bad.  In other words, try to go out on a good note!   

(2)   Avoid being bitter.  Know that it is not healthy to spend time building up hatred towards another person.  Instead work on channeling the hurt feelings into positive energy and direct the focus to the positive things in your life. 

(3)   Let Go and allow God to heal your heart!    Accept that your partner is not where you are in the relationship. You have to also stop listening to the tapes in your head of all the should have’s, would have’s, and could have’s.  Accept that the state you are in right now IS your current reality.  So why not start to evaluate the relationship and see what you can learn from it, and then begin to let it go. 

(4)   Start working on your emotional health.  Consider getting therapy or coaching to help your psyche heal.

(5)   Encourage Yourself to Look your best ever, Change things up. Work on improving yourself and becoming an even better person.  Take a personal enrichment class. Do something different to help define your new life. This would be a great time to focus on some goals you have always wanted to accomplish, or to check out all of the people who have been trying to hit on you when you were in the relationship.  In other words, have fun and remember to live life to the fullest. 

Remember, time heals everything-even a broken heart.

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy