Thursday, March 31, 2011

Self-Help: A Message of Hope: What I Know For Sure

... a passage written to me from a dear friend

You know sometimes we find ourselves adrift, going aimlessly in one particular direction, until someone comes along and provides us with a specific path or simply open your eyes to possibilities.  I now realize that it is indeed easy to see when there are no obstacles in your way.  When the fog is thick your vision is limited.  It is at that time that we should reach out beyond our comfort zone and try to visualize what is on the other side, or try to imagine what it would be like to have a clear vision of things to come, verses an unclear mind of the world we should leave behind, or in reality what we call our own.   Well, these past few months have been an eye opener for me.  No one has to tell me to change my five year plan, and no one has to tell me what to want for in my future because you seem to have provided that bright light or should I say that "energy" to look beyond the boundaries we set for ourselves.   You have helped me to realize that it is not okay to accept below average behavior; but rather be willing to release ourselves from the past when the timing is upon us. 
Thank you for giving me hope again, and for providing the spirit to soar and free myself of individual ties.  I now realize that today I have a way of doing things that may need renewing, but provides hope for me.  I can now tell myself, "There is nothing wrong with walking a path of hope, instead of focusing only on what' s not right, or what is not working for me.” Because, when you do this, you can lose yourself in negative thoughts and words from the past.  From you Amy, I have learned that my thoughts and actions will always be ingrained inside my head when I travel down my own desired path.  I now know that living, feeling, touching and seeing is by far greater than any visual aspect one can dream of.  I am willing to walk that walk, feel that feeling and awake to that which has been locked away and protected for far too long. I now realize, without a doubt, that it is not fare to self to hold that which we love so much, and want to experience, tucked away waiting on time.    What I do know for sure, is that we tend to lose and change ourselves so much that we forget that true happiness is indeed possible. Our past should be left in the past!  We cannot revert back to those days because with age should come wisdom.  We are much older now and should be able to get on with our lives.  It's time to change!  I now know that it's time to make some positive changes in my life.  This discovery of a new me is like being an adolescent all over again; growing, stretching, changing, and becoming the true me. 

I look forward to new approaches and new thoughts on life and the greatness of me to come. 
Amy, thanks for helping me see the light and believe in HOPES and DREAMS again.    
More to come... 
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To you my dear friend, and to all of my other friends, clients, patients, associates, readers, and colleagues; I say to you today, "Never stop chasing your dreams."  What I know for sure is that life is not to be lived in the past. We all have an option as to what we think, who we love, how we develop, and where we end up in life.  Just remember to always follow a success blueprint that makes sense!

 
Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy  

How To Comment on Dr. Amy's Blog


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Written By:  Jayar LaRoche

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Relationship Advice: Developing the Mindset to Overcome and Recover from a Heartbreak After a Love Relationship Ends Abruptly

Have you ever had someone that you were in love with announce that he/she needed a “break” to get some things in order and was not planning on not seeing you for a while?  Now whatever the reason may be for that person deciding to no longer see you or interact with you for a period of time can definitely be a devastating time in your life.  So what do you do?  Do you just wait for him/her to get themselves together?  Do you just lie down in a ball of hurt and despair and cry yourself into a depression?  Or, do you fight back mentally?

Well, of course if I were the one advising you I would say to first:  find a way to work through the pain of the lost, and then stay strong and develop the mindset (mental toughness) to handle the heartbreak.  Yes, we can experience heartbreaks as adults; it's not just reserved for our teenage children. The important thing to keep in mind is this:  you should never be with anyone who does not want to be with you, or who does not desire you completely.  Let me give you a big reminder here:  LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT!  As adults, we all have to make complicated decisions in our lives every day in reference to relationships, finance, children, etc.  So when it comes to who we love and who we choose to spend our time with - it should not be a difficult decision - you either want to or not.  Love is not difficult; people make it difficult and complicated. Perhaps you should adopt the mindset that I have.  I truly believe that once we hit our 40's, specifically past the age of 45, the drama in relationships should end.  By the age of 45 you should know what you want in a love relationship, and from whom. 

Relationships are complex and require effort to be successful. When your relationship gets put on ‘timeout’ or ends abruptly, you may feel hurt, confused and angry. Getting over someone you felt close to can be difficult, and even more so if you did not want the separation or breakup. It is important to allow yourself time to grieve for the relationship, and you will normally experience a series of emotions: hurt, denial, anger, and acceptance are just a few of the stages of grief you will undergo. However, you can help speed up the recovery process of getting over the heartbreak by taking control of the situation, rather than allowing the situation to control you. Regardless of the reason(s) of the proposed “break” or breakup, when the relationship looks like it’s over, you need to nurse your wounds so you can move on.   Most importantly, you need to accept the situation as it is presented in front of you.  Remember, ACTION speaks louder than words.  Love is simple:  Basically, you should never have to convince anyone else to spend time with you, Either they are in love with you or they aren’t; it’s that simple.  Even if the other person is still telling you that s/he loves you and misses you, ask them these questions: 
a) Why are we separated?  b) Why are you not here holding me in your arms and loving me?  c)  What’s “really” going on?  What is it that's truly keeping you away from me? 

You have to stop deluding yourself that this is a break and not a breakup. The truth of the matter is when you are in love with someone you don’t want to be away from them for any extended amount of time.  Moreover, when you love someone you have a deep desire to stay in constant contact with them, so how do you explain two, three, even four days passing without any form of communication? Yes, with thine self be true!  Stop fooling yourself that it is a break and not a breakup. 

Here are five recommendations to help you develop the mindset to recover from a heartbreak after a love relationship abruptly ends: 

(1)   Reach back to memories of love.  If you experienced a deep connection with that person it will be difficult at first to get use to the change or separation.  However, choose to focus on the good times, and minimize the thoughts of the bad.  In other words, try to go out on a good note!   

(2)   Avoid being bitter.  Know that it is not healthy to spend time building up hatred towards another person.  Instead work on channeling the hurt feelings into positive energy and direct the focus to the positive things in your life. 

(3)   Let Go and allow God to heal your heart!    Accept that your partner is not where you are in the relationship. You have to also stop listening to the tapes in your head of all the should have’s, would have’s, and could have’s.  Accept that the state you are in right now IS your current reality.  So why not start to evaluate the relationship and see what you can learn from it, and then begin to let it go. 

(4)   Start working on your emotional health.  Consider getting therapy or coaching to help your psyche heal.

(5)   Encourage Yourself to Look your best ever, Change things up. Work on improving yourself and becoming an even better person.  Take a personal enrichment class. Do something different to help define your new life. This would be a great time to focus on some goals you have always wanted to accomplish, or to check out all of the people who have been trying to hit on you when you were in the relationship.  In other words, have fun and remember to live life to the fullest. 

Remember, time heals everything-even a broken heart.

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Chronic Stress Related Illnesses and its Affects on Your Body: Migraine headaches,high blood pressure, sexual dysfunction, etc.

Did you realize that almost 75% of all doctor visits are stress related?  Yes, stress and health are closely connected.  Research shows the effects of stress on the body and mind influence stress related illnesses.  In today’s fast pace lifestyle, many people are overwhelmed and stressed out in their lives due to financial problems, work related issues, or martial/divorce problems and these issues are causing major stress related illnesses every day. Coping with stress can be a difficult task.  Stress is the body's reaction to any change that requires an adjustment or response. The effects of stress can be positive - keeping us alert and ready to avoid danger- while, on the other hand it can also become negative. This occurs when a person faces continuous challenges without relief or relaxation between challenges and physical illnesses related to stress develop as a result. Stress affect your overall health in many ways; the signs, physical symptoms or emotional symptoms of stress vary from person to person, but all have the potential to harm your health and emotional well-being. In fact, some evidence suggests that repeated release of stress hormones produces hyperactivity in the hypothalamus-pituitary axis and disrupts normal levels of serotonin, the nerve chemical that is critical for producing feelings of well-being. Stress causes blood to become stickier (possibly in preparation of potential injury), increasing the likelihood of an artery-clogging blood clot.
Chronic stress affects the immune system in complex ways, which may have various effects on the body.  Some examples of stress related illnesses are:
·         Migraine headaches and most other headaches
·         High blood pressure
·         Muscle tension
·         Ulcers
·         Insomnia
·         Sexual Dysfunction
·         Cancer


MIGRAINE HEADACHES:  Stress and anxiety can lead to tension that will eventually cause headaches. A common cause of stress headaches is increased muscle tension around the eyes, forehead and neck.  Tension-type headache episodes are highly associated with stress and stressful events. Some research suggests that tension-type headache sufferers may actually have some biological predisposition for translating stress into muscle contractions. Among the wide range of possible migraine triggers is emotional stress (although the headaches often erupt after the stress has eased).

HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE:  Heart attack and high blood pressure have both been proven to be caused by increased or continuous unresolved stress called stacking.  High blood pressure puts undue stress on the blood vessel walls which may burst and cause a stroke.  This also causes increased pressure to be placed on the circulatory system and puts an unhealthy strain on the heart which in turn greatly contributes to the occurrence of heart attacks. Studies have reported an association between stress and hypertension (high blood pressure), which may be more pronounced in men than in women. According to some evidence, people who regularly experience sudden spikes in blood pressure caused by mental stress may, over time, develop injuries in the inner lining of their blood vessels. In one 20-year study, for example, men who periodically measured highest on the stress scale were twice as likely to have high blood pressure as those with normal stress. By reducing stress and lowering blood pressure you can greatly lower the risk of stroke and heart attack.
MUSCLE TENSION AND ACHES:  It has been reported that muscle tension is probably the cause of all stress headaches.  Muscle tension caused by stress includes having a stiff neck or shoulders or lower back pain.  Tightness in your muscles occurs during periods of stress. This occurs to enable you to move and be coordinated. However, an extended period of stress can result in sore muscles


ULCERS:  Stress produces excessive stomach acids that can destroy the lining of the stomach.  Stress also tenses and contracts the muscles of the stomach as it does the rest of the body and prevents proper digestion of food. Reducing stress reduces acids, promotes healing and good digestion.
 

INSOMNIA & CHRONIC FATIGUE:  The release of stress hormone under influence of stress will stimulate the brain preparing it to respond to the external stressor. Under constant or prolonged stress, the elevated level of stress hormones tend to keep the brain in an alert state and this causes the person to have difficulty going to sleep. When this continues, the person will be exhausted leading ultimately to chronic fatigue, which is a commonly seen physical symptoms of stress.  Also, being over worked, over stimulated and not coping with stress will keep you from sleeping, which in turn will add more to the stacking effect of stress in your life.   When the brain is over stimulated, the body produces adrenaline a chemical produced by the brain which is the natural stimulant that produces alertness and gives you the extra energy you might need to fight off whatever stressful problems you may be faced with. In order for you to go to sleep, the adrenaline has to be shut off and/or reduced so the body can begin to produce melatonin (a chemical produced by the brain that induces relaxation and sleep.)


RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS:  Rheumatoid arthritis is a disease of the immune system.  It is an auto immune illness in which antibodies (a substance in the blood that
normally destroys bacteria and neutralizes poisons) becomes misdirected against the body's own cells resulting in tissue damage.  Stress and tension and depression adds to the severity of this arthritis.  Like other stress induced or stress aggravated illnesses, rheumatoid arthritis often can be contained or completely diminished through a program of stress management.


SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION:  Stress can lead to diminished sexual desire and an inability to achieve orgasm in women. Stress response can also cause temporary impotence in men. Part of the stress response involves the release of brain chemicals that constrict the smooth muscles of the penis and its arteries. This constriction reduces the blood flow into and increases the blood flow out of the penis, which can prevent erection.


CANCER:  Though not scientifically proven to have a direct link to stress, it is believed that stress is a major factor that causes many different types of cancer. The reason being that stress weakens the immune system, which makes our body more susceptible to the “invasion” by cancer cells, and therefore has fewer and weaker cells to do the work of fighting off problems. The T cells in the immune system are the body's only real means of defending itself against cancer cells and they can only be created during the bodiy's relaxation cycle. By regularly decreasing your stress level, and not allowing the body to achieve the stress stacking effect, you can improve the body’s defense system. Increasing relaxation time increases T cell count and reduces the risk of cancer. Remember, stress weakens the immune system, significantly reducing the number of T cells in the body which are responsible for defending it against the malignant cancer cells.  Stress can also reduce the number of new T cells being created and reduce the amount of new blood cells being created and this dangerous combination can actually compromise your immune system.  And a compromised immune system paves the way for many different illnesses and diseases. The good news is that research has shown that the mind is able to induce its own relaxation response which adds to the body’s natural ability to create T cells. By deliberately inducing the relaxation response; such as watching a relaxation video, walking, exercising, reducing stress, listening to music etc., you can increase the T cell production and strengthen your entire immune system.

You must get control of the chronic stress in your life!  Keep in mind that the physical illnesses related to stress listed above can be caused by other psychological or physical problems, so it’s important that you consult and seek the advise of a doctor.

Your Success Coach,
Dr. Amy
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* Disclaimer:  The information contained on this blog page is for general reference purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice.  You should always seek the advice of your physician before starting any new treatment.

Dr. Oz's Success Habits for a Healthier Life

Dr. Oz's Success Habits
As featured in one of the cover stories for SUCCESS MAGAZINE, Dr. Mehmet Oz says you can make a habit for a healthier life—no matter how chaotic yours is. "We are designed to withstand stress; it's a natural part of life," Oz tells SUCCESS. "When you have no stress, you're almost certainly dead already." So embrace the natural stress you encounter and make a game plan for it. Here are three ways Dr. Oz says you can do so:
1. Build teams.
"It's very hard for anyone to be able to understand all facets of a problem, especially when you're dealing with complex problems with the real opportunity to make the world better. It doesn't mean you can't be the executive and make the decisions about what needs to be done, but you have a team of people you trust to provide support and perspective," Oz says.
2. Forgive people.
"You've got to forgive people. You come in contact with a lot of people and they will disappoint you at times. Give them a chance to surprise you again."
3. Put your ideas into action.
"Success is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration. I don't care how good you are, how many good ideas have you—a great idea on the back of a napkin is worth the price of the napkin. A thought has zero value without execution behind it. You've got to spark putting the pieces together.


The Amazing Dr. Oz
 Reprinted from Success Magazine
Between TV appearances, and magazine and newspaper interviews, Dr. Mehmet Oz hosts the Dr. Oz Show on XM Satellite Radio, consults patients and performs more than 200 surgical procedures each year. This cardiothoracic surgeon has published more than 400 articles for consumer and medical publications and is the co-author of the best-selling YOU book series. That’s all in addition to being a professor and vice chairman of surgery at Columbia University, director of the Cardiovascular Institute, as well as director of the Complementary Medicine Program at New York Presbyterian Hospital. It’s no wonder Time magazine listed Oz as one of the world’s most influential people and Oprah Winfrey has dubbed him “America’s Doctor.”
Clearly, this 48-year old surgeon, entrepreneur, husband and father leads a busy life. He knows success doesn’t come without significant effort and a fair amount of stress. But stress is something Oz can handle, and it’s one of the “major agers” he is passionate about helping people understand. More than how to just survive stress, Oz teaches people how to offset its aging effects by developing healthy physical, mental, lifestyle and even fiscal habits.
“We are designed to withstand stress; it’s a natural part of life,” Oz says. “When you have no stress, you’re almost certainly dead already.” Any change to the body’s natural balance creates stress, but not all stress is bad. For example, exercise initiates change within the body: faster pulse, increased oxygen intake, the release of endorphins and other beneficial chemicals. Episodic stress, like exercise, is good for the system and can result in lower blood pressure and a healthier body. But in today’s fast-paced culture, Americans often fall victim to the downside of stress.
“The chronic, unrelenting stress, which is so typical of the modern life, is what we have trouble with because it doesn’t allow our system to reset itself,” Oz says. Unlike exercise, which revs the body’s engine and then allows it to return to its natural rhythm, ongoing stress keeps the body in a state of tension. This can be unhealthy for a number of reasons, but perhaps one of the most detrimental effects is aging.
Ongoing stress—the constant pressure of deadlines, politics at work, a dripping faucet, financial problems— makes people feel as if they’re perpetually behind, that they no longer have control. “That’s what’s behind the stress that’s really detrimental to us,” Oz says. “As soon as you’re no longer in control of your destiny—you’re not running after the prey but being run after—the benefi ts of stress begin to shift away from you."
The problem is not stress itself, but an individual’s reaction to it. Here’s the good news: While it’s impossible (and undesirable) to control everything and everyone around you, one thing you can always control is your reaction. By developing a game plan for life, you’re more likely to react positively and at least mitigate the negative effects of stress.
Making Exercise Routine
Becoming active is one of the best things a person can do to improve overall health. And before you say it, Oz doesn’t allow the “I’m too busy” excuse.
“You only have to work out for half an hour a day,” he says, and walking at a good, heart-pumping pace is a huge step in the right direction. “Do it by incorporating exercise into your job, take the stairs from one meeting to the next. Develop a routine so you’re not ‘working out,’ but it’s just part of your day. It’s the small things that make a big difference.”
Oz points out that Manhattan has a lower incidence of obesity than many cities because walking is part of the daily routine. “It’s too expensive to drive a car, so you walk. I biked from New Jersey into the city for more than a decade when I first came to New York,” Oz says, and exercise was only one of the benefits. “I did it in part because I didn’t have a car, but the main reason was I was by myself—no one could talk to me. I had an hour by myself when it was peaceful and I would come across the bridge and there was no traffic, no one was controlling my destiny but me. There’s a lot to be said for that. “In most parts of the country, you can’t walk [to work]. So we have to build communities long term that allow people to walk,” he says. “In the meantime, you’ve got to create your own existence.”
Eating Healthy
What goes into the body is also critically important. For Oz, a simple rule is: “Your diet should be rich in foods that come out of the ground looking the way they look when you eat them.” Natural, whole foods are the key to a nutrient-packed, healthy diet. Fresh produce, 100 percent whole-grain breads, 100 percent juice are all good options. When shopping, Oz says, “Look at food labels. Avoid trans-fats, which are hydrogenated oils; saturated fats, which are fats that are solid at room temperature; and simple carbohydrates, which on a food label look like simple sugar, alcohol sugars and molasses. You want to reduce the amount of these in your diet.”
Good health prepares the body to deal with stressful situations and it begins with healthy physical habits. But Oz says poor diet and lack of exercise aren’t detrimental only to adults. “If you look at the increased incidence of obesity in this country, it’s doubling among adults but it’s tripling among kids,” he says. “This is not just a problem we ought to get around to when we can. You can’t have a wealthy society if you’re not a healthy society.”
Building a Support Network
Successful people know the power of surrounding themselves with positive people. But Oz points out that one’s social network can be the key to a longer life.
“Major life events that are stressful— divorce, bankruptcy or any major financial stress, litigation, getting fired or losing your job for any reason—these strip away, on average, about eight years from your life,” Oz says. “If you have a social network intact that can support you during these diffi cult times, you can cut away three-fourths of the aging. So from the pure aging perspective, you can go from losing eight years for bankruptcy to losing two years of life. It’s still a detriment, it’s not good for you, but you can cope.”
In the parts of the world where people have the greatest life expectancy, relationships take priority. “People who are lonely do not do well long term,” Oz says. “Which is why active maintenance in friendships and networking, the role of the family, keeping people you love and who love you near you are very important drivers of healthy aging.”
One of the biggest challenges people have is the inability to live in the moment; “They don’t enjoy the now,” Oz says. “When you think about it, worry, fear, all the big stressful events are primarily issues of past or future; very few of them are issues of now. Meditation is one of the ways to put you in the moment. By getting into the moment you have probably the best stress-reduction technique of all.
“You start with breathing, but ultimately you control heart rate, brain wave function; you begin to control how your body responds to everything—good and bad. And that’s an important insight to know you can control the body to that degree.”
A Positive Outlook
Surrounding yourself with a supportive network and learning to live in the moment are part of the habit of optimism. “Your level of optimism and pessimism directly impacts how you cope with stress,” Oz says. Your outlook on life can also affect your physical health. The physical effects of attitude are best measured in illness. “When you compare pessimistic to optimistic people facing similar diagnosis, the infection rates shift, survival rates shift,” he says. “We think there’s a connection between mood and immune cell function.”
He explains the connection this way: “If you feel stressed and attacked and you’re pessimistic, you send different signals to immune cells which suppress helper T cells. Then your T-cell function, which would normally enhance your ability to withstand infection, starts to decline so you become more prone to infections. You also stimulate a maladaptive response in your immune system, which can create too many antibodies, and that can increase the risks of thrombosis, blood vessel spasms and the like.”
Another way to think of the effects of stress is to think of your body as being on an “autopilot system,” Oz says. “That auto-pilot system is supposed to be able to undulate—to be able to go back and forth between being revved up and not. But if you’re pessimistic, that autopilot system can fi x itself in a very ‘on’ position. It never turns off because you feel attacked. You magnify the stressful state rather than mitigating it.”
By maintaining an optimistic view of life—even during stressful situations—you give your body the chance to breathe, to recuperate. One of the ways to develop and maintain a positive attitude is to live with passion. “You have to have passion in life—you have to have a reason to keep your heart beating,” Oz says. “Pursue what you love in life.”
Habits for a Wealthy Life
It may seem strange for a doctor to be concerned about someone’s financial status. But on his radio show, Oz devotes serious airtime to credit, debt and money discussions. As long as insurance covers the bills, why would a doctor care about your financial well-being? Because money—specifically a lack of money—can contribute to stress, illness and aging. Oz, who earned an MBA from the Wharton School of Business while attending the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, sees a significant correlation between finances and health. “Four of the major causes of illness are driven by bankruptcy,” he says.
“And for personal bankruptcy, illness is by far the No. 1 cause. The reason bankruptcy is such a problem for us is that we lose the locus of control. And when you don’t have confi dence that life is going to work out for you—that you actually have some element of control over what’s going to happen in that life—you begin to develop chronic issues like hypertension, obesity.”
When hard times hit, maintaining a sense of control helps reduce stress and its effects. That’s why having a strong social network of friends and family who offer mental and even financial support is beneficial. It’s also why having an emergency fund is important. Though he isn’t a financial advisor, Oz gladly shares a simple tip he follows: Put aside 10 percent of what you earn. “I tithe myself,” he says. “This was true when I was making $29,000 a year as an intern, and it’s true with my money now. Ten percent of what I earn, I don’t touch. It’s as though I did not earn that money. I don’t actually put it aside for a rainy day. I’m putting it aside because that buys me peace of mind.”
Even if he never spends it, he says the peace of mind it gives him is worth saving that money. Peace of mind… it goes back to having a sense of control, which lowers stress levels, which reduces the likelihood of developing stress-related illnesses. While you can’t predict the future, you can prepare for it. By making an investment in your health with exercise and good eating habits, developing good mental habits, maintaining positive relationships and making wise financial decisions, you can offset the effects of stress and live a longer, healthier and happier life.
Article Written by:  Erin  Casey  For Success Magazine
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For Assistance with creating success habits for your life contact Dr. Amy today!