Would you say that you have a "good" attitude or a "bad" attitude? Attitudes are mental judgments relative to a way of thinking or being; they are beliefs and feelings that predisposes us to react in a particular way to people, things, and events. These predisposed thoughts and feelings can cause both a positive (optimistic) attitude or a negative (pessimistic) attitude. The age-old question that comes to mind as I write this post is: which comes first, attitude or behavior? By actually the more practical question should be, which should be targeted for change first – attitude or behavior? As a psychologist, I would recommend that you target changing your behavior first because behavior is easier to change on a large scale than attitude; but the key is consistency! The consistency principle says that we have a massive amount of influence lying deep within us that directs our actions. So you must develop a positive mental attitude if you want to progress in your career, your business, in a relationship, or in life! We must keep in mind that we only need to remember our very own commitment or decision – what we know we should be doing, or the action we decide prior to someone saying something inappropriate to us - and respond consistently no matter who the person is. In social psychology we say that an individual’s behavior is affected by their inner attitudes as well as by external social influences. Accordingly, we usually follow the cognitive dissonance theory. Without a doubt, our actions do impact our attitude, and vice verse. In order to start changing our attitudes about certain things, we can use the attitude-follow behavior principle. The attitudes-follow behavior principle has some heartening implications. Although we cannot directly control all our feelings, we can influence them by altering our behavior. In following this principle, you adopt the mantra that “Changing my behavior will change how I think and how I feel.” Don’t over analyze it, just do it!
Why do our actions affect our attitude? One explanation is that we feel motivated to justify our actions. When we are aware that our attitudes and actions do not coincide, we experience tension called cognitive dissonance. To relieve this tension, according to the cognitive dissonance theory proposed by Leon Festinger, we often bring our attitudes into line with our actions. It is as if we rationalize, “If I chose to do it (or say it), I must believe in it.” The less coerced and more responsible we feel, the more motivated we are to find consistency, such as changing our attitudes to help justify the act. If we believe that someone does not like us, we will feel dislike from that person and may “act” unfriendly. But when we change the way we think about that person – and treat them with respect in spite of their actions – then we will begin to impact or change their behavior. In fact, let me share a story with you that demonstrate this phenomenon precisely. I was teaching at a university in Northern Virginia and my particular department hired a new chairperson of the general studies department. Prior to this individual arriving at the university, I always taught two classes per quarter – a psychology class and a group dynamics class. Well, all of a sudden I was told by this individual that “There are no classes available for you to teach.” Of course I was a bit perplexed, as I had been teaching these classes for the past two years at this particular college. Well, I thought, I’ll just go and teach at another university for next semester. Then I received a call from the dean of the university inquiring as to ‘why’ he did not see my name on the roster for the upcoming semester and ‘why’ I would not be teaching as the students had a very high regard for me. For some reason, he was told that my schedule was too busy to teach and that I could not “fit” in the time (I wonder who said that and why?) Of course I did not hesitate to inform him of exactly what had transpired. He then asked if I would still be available to teach that particular semester and I returned to the university. Of course, this new chairman of the department continued to demonstrate that she did not care for me. For example, in meetings, she would often refer to two – three professors and address them as “Dr.’s” and then would turn to me and say Amy (rather than addressing me as Dr. Hymes). I still showered her with professionalism and respect as she continued on with these types of petty activities. This went on for over a year – and I continued to show absolutely no reaction to her actions – I made a decision not to allow her to impact me. But I think what was the clincher to this story was when she “tried” to make a derogatory comment in reference to the release of my new book. Here’s what happened: Someone stood up to congratulate me on the release of my book Yes You Can! Reaching Your Potential While Achieving Greatness. Well she had the audacity to say in front of the individuals, “I see the book didn’t do too well since it’s in paperback already.” My response was this: Oh, thank you for noticing the book, it was planned to be released in this format. However, I’m sorry, I must have missed the title of your book that you wrote and got published. What is the name of that book? She replied, I haven’t written a book. I replied, “I didn’t think so, but when you do decide to make that commitment and get on that level, then please provide your comments on the subject matter at that time, thanks.” I then smiled at her, turned away, gave a copy of the book to a few associates, and looked at her again, with a smiling face and walked away. After class that night, she approached me and said “I would love to have the opportunity to read your book” and I again smiled at her and said, “Great! It’s for sale at the book store, please feel free to go and buy yourself a copy.” After several years of behaving in this manner, and me ‘deciding’ not to follow her up, she has slowly begun to come around. Now she goes out of her way to have conversations with me and speak to me in a positive manner when it is not necessary. This goes to demonstrate that we do not have to follow up someone else who has a bad attitude towards us. We can “choose” to control our attitude and strategically plan our actions in a positive manner. My Mom use to always say, “Two wrongs do not make it right.” Do not follow-up bad behavior, instead you must “Be the change you want to see in others” (Mahatma Gandhi).
Remember these two points:
(1) The cognitive dissonance theory says that we act to reduce the discomfort (dissonance) we feel when two of our thoughts (cognition) are inconsistent. For example, when our ‘awareness’ of our attitude and our awareness of our actions clash, we can reduce the resulting dissonance by changing our attitudes.
(2) Your attitude drives your actions, and your actions drive the results you will get. William James, one of the fathers of psychology said it best: “Sit all day in a moping posture, sigh, and reply to everything with a dismal voice, and your melancholy lingers. …If we wish to conquer undesirable emotional tendencies in ourselves, we must …go through the outward movements of those contrary dispositions which we prefer to cultivate.”
~ William James, Principles of Psychology, 1890
Do you have an attitude or tendency you would like to (or needed to) change? If so follow the attitudes-follow behavior principle starting today. Work on upgrading your attitude and start to put your positive thoughts into action! If you want to enjoy a great life headed for a world of abundant success then you must take effective action by upgrading your attitude. If you can’t do it alone hire a success coach - someone who has already achieved the results you want to attain. If you are not sure how you should act, then model your behavior after someone who is already successful in that particular area.
Your Success Coach,
Dr. Amy
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