When Was the Last Time Something Took Your Breath Away?

Do you know what it feels like to have something totally take your breath away?  ... well a sunset just took mine away.  Yes, my breath was taken away on Friday night when the radiant orange, blushing red, and glistening gray sky parked itself right in front of me and slowly dissipated perfectly before my bare eyes into the night.  Because my mindset was in the right place - it became a very romantic experience. 

As the shades were changing, the color of the setting was like the  inside of the mango I had enjoyed for breakfast that morning, and I could taste the sweetness of the mango bursting inside my mouth; and it just lingered there for a while.  The sunset ran horizontally across the sky and suddenly dropped off magically into the melodic river, just behind the brush of the slightly bending trees. The ducks were there too, and let me tell you, they melodically put on a rhythmic marching show that amplified the ambiance and heightened the experience.  It was just what the doctor ordered:  peaceful, cathartic, invigorating, and free.  The aroma was breath taking and the encounter energizing.  It was peaceful, simple, and yet very vigorous and powerful!  And the good thing about it, it will do the same exact thing again the next day.  So it doesn't matter what went on today, the sun will still rise and set tomorrow.  For tomorrow is always waiting to be explored and experienced, it's just a matter of your mindset and how you plan to experience it!

Remember, the simple things in life are free:  they are there for our enjoyment, but sometimes we have to stop long enough to "smell the roses" and enjoy them along the way. So I challenge you today to take the time to find your breath of fresh air:  embrace it, cherish it, love it, and stop making things more complicated than it has to be.  And if nothing in your surrounding takes your breath away then it’s time for you to reassess what’s really essential to you, and what you are "viewing" as important on a daily basis.

Go out and enjoy life!  Have something take your breath away. Better yet, choose to experience something taking your breath away while  spending time with someone who makes your heart string tingle. Know that I care, I want to help, and I want to see you progress in life so you can reach your ultimate happiness and success.

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy

Psychologist|Coach| Entrepreneur  

dramy@amyhymes.com

Office:  (703) 873-7086

My Recommended Success Strategies Book List

Here are fifteen of my all time favorite Top Personal Development and Wealth Strategies  Books that I would Like to Recommend to You. 

Dr. Amy's Recomended Success Strategies Reading List: 

1. Yes You Can! Reaching Your Potential While Achieving Greatness
    by Dr. Amy Hymes, Dr. Warren Bennis, Jim Rohn, and others

2. The Power of Positive Thinking 
     by Dr. Norman Vincent Peele

3. As A Man Thinketh
      by James Allen 

4.  Think and Grow Rich
     by Dr. Napoleon Hill 

5.  The Five Major Pieces to the Life Puzzle & The Seasons of Life
     by Jim Rohn

6. The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

     by Dr. M. Scott Peak

7.  Put Your Dream to the Test

     by John C. Maxwell

8. Are You Dumb Enough to Be Rich? The Amazingly Simple
     Way to Make Millions in Real Estate
     by William Barnett II

9. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind:Mastering the Inner
     Game of Wealth
     by T. Harv Eker

10. Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids
       About Money– That The Poor and Middle Class Do Not!
       by Robert T. Kiyosaki

11. Profit by Investing in Real Estate Tax Liens: Earn Safe,
      Secured, and Fixed Returns Every Time
      by Larry Loftis, Esq

12. The Richest Man in Babylon
     by George S. Clason

13. Cracking the Millionaire Code
      by Robert G. Allen and Mark Victor Hansen

14. The Master Key System  
      by Charles F. Haanel  

15. The Holy Bible 
        Be sure to take the time to study the books of:
      Proverbs | James | Hebrews  

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy Hymes, PhD

Psychologist | Management Consultant | Entrepreneur | Author 

Office:  (703) 873-7086

Dramy@amyhymes.com

The Fundamentals of Creating Healthy & Exciting Love Relationships

We recorded a show on Thursday entitled "How to Create Healthy and Exciting Love Relationships" and the feedback was overwhelming.  Almost all of the individuals who were at the taping of the show responded by sharing how the information shared enhanced their mindsets about what is required to create and maintain a healthy and exciting love relationship.  Accordingly, I decided to share a few of the highlighted points on the blog. 

Today we hear a lot about the high rate of divorce (45% - 50% rate) and how difficult it is to find the ideal partner.  In addition, more than ever we hear on the entertainment news channels and in the gossip media how men and women are having more-and-more affairs and stepping outside of their marriages.  But we made the decision to "debunk" the normal negative conversations and be among the select few shows to make the decision to focus all of our attention towards the positives, that is enhancing and upgrading  our love relationships.  I’m here to tell you that you can do this because you DESERVE to be in a quality affectionate love relationship.   

Now in case you are wondering what a “HEALTHY” relationship actually looks like - let me define and describe it for you: 

A healthy love relationship is one where you:

  Show RESPECT and SUPPORT for each other’s personal desires in life;

  Encourage each other to grow, develop, and try new things;

  Have vigorous & constructive  communication; where each person  LISTENS when the other person has something to say;

  SHARE responsibilities & decision-making, and you stay connected with each other (and not get stuck in a peaceful co-existence);

  Learn how to respectfully get through and RESOLVE CONFLICTS.

….. with a Healthy Relationship, the concentration should always be on  BUILDING LOVE, TRUST, LAUGHTER, & HAPPINESS!      

A couple also grows together by developing mutual goals and working together on ways to achieve them. Interestingly, it’s usually the journey toward the achieving the goals, and not necessarily the goals themselves, which help the relationship grow.  So a healthy relationship means you have a love relationship with another person where you offer , and are offered:  validation, understanding, and a sense of being VALUED intellectually, emotionally, and physically. Actually, the more you are willing to share and be shared with; the greater the degree of excitement and closeness you will experience.  

Of course you should also know how to recognize the signs of an UNHEALTHY relationship: 

Here are some of the "bad" signs that you should be aware of:

1.         If your partner ever puts you down, calls you names, criticizes you, or tries to intimidate you (you are NOT in a healthy love relationship).

2.         If your partner tries to control what you do, who you see, what you wear, or how you look  (you are NOT in a healthy love relationship).

3.         If he/she tries to keep you from seeing or talking to your family & friends or tries to ISOLATE you (you are NOT in a healthy love relationship).

4.         If he/she gets EXTREMELY jealous or possessive or EVER becomes violent, or uses THREATS or EMOTIONAL cruelty (you are NOT in a healthy relationship).

5.         If he/she has mood swings and gets very ANGRY & yells at you one minute, and then is sweet and apologetic the next (you are NOT in a healthy love relationship).

So I hope you get the point here, in a healthy love relationship the focus should always be on:  respect, compromise, sharing, exploring together, laughter, active listening, playful communication, and  an openness to give love and be loved!  You must always be flexible and open to change.  So keep this in mind:  A healthy relationship is not a power struggle; the two of you do not have to think the same way about everything. A healthy relationship is not symbiotic; meaning, you don’t have to feel the same way about all things. And, a healthy relationship is not one that is confined to a sexual relationship, but rather should be one that celebrates SHARING & EXPLORING.  To create a healthy and exciting love relationship it’s also very important to keep both physical intimacy (kissing, touching, holding hands) and emotional intimacy (connectedness, commitment, trust) alive.  

Unfortunately, so many people forget about intimacy. Emotional intimacy is one of the building blocks upon which great relationships and exceptional marriages are built.  INTIMACY has four characteristics: Caring, Communication, Commitment, & Common Values: Communication involves accurately conveying your feelings to each other without intimidation, worry of reprisal, or embarrassment.  Caring means being open, honest, and vulnerable to know and be known by your partner.  This level of caring is usually what can take couples to a soul mate connection that will naturally lead to understanding each other on a very deep level.  Commitment means being dedicated  to the well-being and development of each other. In my field, we usually say that there is no better definition of emotional intimacy than a connectedness that exists when two people are enjoying the benefits of commitment and trust toward each other. Common values means holding common fundamental beliefs and core values that results in you and another person seeing and “feeling” the world in the same way. 

 The goal of getting to "healthy relationship" staus is to work in agreement with each other and encourage progression –TOGETHER.    

So here are my top ten recommendations that you can follow to create a healthy & exciting Love Relationship:

First, and foremost YOU MUST BE OPEN FOR LOVE!  Be clear about what you want, and be clear in communicating your desires. Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. You should be able to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. When you do not communicate your needs and desires then the result ends up being disappointed at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader, so get in the habit of expressing your needs.

Second, Maintain Self-respect and Self-esteem. It’s easier for someone to like or love you and to be around you when you like yourself. So start by learning how to upgrade your own self-concept.   

Third, Determine How Both of You Can Get What you Need and What you Want!  Be honest with yourself; be honest with your thoughts & feelings; take the time to learn your partners emotional cues; and be sensitive to what your partner really likes.  

Fourth, View Yourselves as a Team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. You must have respect, respect, respect for each other.

Fifth, Learn How to Manage Differences and Conflict.  This is a major KEY to success in a relationship. Understand this: disagreements don’t sink relationships. Name-calling, negativity, low-self esteem of one partner does. So, you have to learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people.

Sixth, Solve Problems as They Arise. Don’t let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become fast enemies.  You have to listen, truly listen to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment. Remember to always try to look at things from your partner’s perspective as well as your own.

Seventh, If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don’t assume.

Eighth, Work Hard at Maintaining Closeness. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal, it is a journey that never ends.  You must work at keeping your relationship fresh and healthy via regular attention.  

Ninth, Don’t Confuse Sex with Love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.

Finally, NEVER, EVER, ever go to sleep ANGRY, no matter what!

Also, it is very important to remember to:   

a.      Set aside time for each other.

b.      Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. 

c.       Have playful communication in your relationship!

d.      Keep physical and emotional intimacy alive

e.      Use your senses to keep your stress level in check and your emotional triggers under control. 

Remember,on a fundamental level, relationships represent a search for that wholeness, a search for completeness and the ability to feel as one with another human being. In many ways, this striving for unity with another person is what we all are striving for! 

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy 

P.S.  This particular show will air in the new 2011 season, look out for it! 

Remember to post your comments and/or thoughts on the blog. 

    

Power in Numbers, Go Out and Vote!

Today is November 2, 2010 and it is time to go out and cast your vote.  Although I will be supporting the Democratic Party it doesn’t matter much to me who you vote for as long as you get out there and let your voice be heard.  Casting your vote is vitally important because you can help determine not just the outcome of this election, but our country's future.

On yesterday, I received an email from President Obama's camp reminding me that

“You made the difference in 2008. Now, once again, you can defy the conventional wisdom that says you can't overcome the cynicism of our politics; you can't overcome the special interests and the big money; you can't tackle our biggest challenges. This movement has never backed down from a tough fight -- and we're not about to start. We've got to keep moving America forward -- but I need allies in office to make it happen. I need you to make sure you get at least three of your friends to vote with you -- it is simply the most important thing you can do to make sure we can keep bringing about change.  Because of you, there are families all across the country who will never have to choose between losing their home and treating an illness. Because of you, millions of parents can look at their kids and know the opportunity of a college education is within reach. Because of you, a business owner got a small business loan and is keeping her doors open. And because of you, thousands of our brave men and women are home from fighting in Iraq.  I know that even with these changes -- and the progress you've fought for -- too many families are still struggling. We have so much more to do. And that's exactly why America cannot afford to go back. We must continue to move forward, and the decisions voters make in your area will determine which direction this country takes for generations.  We want to keep taxes low for the middle class, so you can pay your bills.  We want to give tax breaks to American companies who create jobs and spur innovation right here in America, not make it easier for them to ship jobs overseas. We will fight efforts to privatize Social Security, and stop the other side from handing over the retirement savings of a generation to Wall Street.  We refuse to go back to the days when big oil and insurance companies wrote their own rules and ran up record profits, while you paid for it at the pump or faced bankruptcy as health bills piled up.”

So I’m going to leave you now as I go to my voting center to cast my ballot.  Make sure you go out and do the same! 

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy

The Relationship Between Prosperity and Living Your Vision of Success

Posted in Visions |

Musing About Money

Written by Dr. Nicole Cutts, PhD   

What is the relationship between prosperity and living your Vision of Success?
Many believe that a lack of money can hinder you from manifesting your goals but can being financially successful also hinder you from living your true purpose? Consider the difficulty in leaving a job in which you make a lot of money to pursue a vision which may not “make you rich.”
Your relationship to money, your beliefs about prosperity and abundance, and how these things intersect with your Vision of Success is one of the many internal dynamics that you must sort out in the course of living your vision. By “sort out” I mean increase your awareness of then shed any beliefs that are limiting.
Like any relationship, your relationship with money can exhibit varying degrees of health through your behavior.
For example, how can you manifest a dream that entails having great wealth if deep down you see wanting/having money as somehow negative i.e. evil or dirty?
Likewise an ego-driven focus solely on making money may lead you astray from your authentic self and true purpose.  Greed may help you to ignore your core values such as compassion and altruism.

Journal Exercise: What are my beliefs and attitudes about money?   To explore how beliefs about money may be impacting how you are living (or not living) your Vision of Success write your answers to the following questions?
1) What messages were you told by your parents/family about having money? (Was money valued,   vilified, shunned or chased after and put above all else?)

2) Growing up, compared to those around you in your community, were you considered poor, average, or rich?

3) How has your childhood economic standing shaped your attitudes and earning or spending habits today? (Perhaps you are afraid to have money so you spend extravagantly and stay in debt. Or maybe you are afraid to ever go without so you consume and hoard money/things.)

4) Now ask yourself how any of the above may be affecting your ability to realize your visions. (Are your fears or paradigms around money keeping you and your vision small? Is a drive to be “rich” or comfortable keeping you in a well paying job that you hate because you aren’t living your true purpose?

Next Step: The next step is to rid yourself of any self-limiting beliefs so you can exhibit your true personality and manifest your greatness.
Easier said than done? Yes but remember the vision quest is a journey.
A few resources you may find helpful as you explor how your attitudes about money relate to how you are living your vision are:
My girl Suze Ormon’s - The Courage to be Rich: Creating a Life of Material and Spiritual Abundance 
Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny
The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom: Practical and Spiritual Steps So You Can Stop Worrying

and by Olivia Mellan Money Harmony: Resolving money conflicts in your life and relationships

If you are a woman (21+) I invite you to submit your story for possible inclusion in a book on the state of  women living their Visions of Success.


Join Nicole at the Jan 15th 2011 Women's Conference: Taking your Dreams from Design to Destiny: The Next Level.  The focus of the 2011 conference is living your visions in a context of prosperity

20 F Street, NW
Washington, DC 20001-6701
Saturday, January 15, 2011
9:00 AM – 1:00 PM

Please register at http://www.visionquestretreats.com

How Did I Get Here?

Have you ever wondered how and when you got to a certain place in your life?  For example, last year you were hoping to do one thing and then you realize that your life is headed in a totally different direction.  What happened?  What threw your sail totally off course?  Or, what successes have you attained sooner than you anticipated?  I would truly like to hear about some of the celebrations and/or challenges that have showed up in your life over the last few years.

Here are some examples of the things I'm talking about: 

• Did a long term relationship end and you are totally at a loss? 
• Did your wife or husband announce that they want a divorce?
• Did a love one pass away and you are struggling to find your way?
• Have you or your spouse been diagnosed with a serious illness?

How are you coping?  What strategies have you used to get through the pain?  What are you doing to heal emotionally?

Let me know how you're doing.

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy

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The book is now available:  Yes you Can!  Reaching Your Potential while Achieving Greatness - co-authored with one of the most influential thinkers of our time, philosopher, motivational counselor, business executive, and best-selling author  Mr. Jim Rohn www.jimrohn.com; and management and leadership expert and author Dr. Warren Bennis, and many other experts in their field.  Order your copy at www.dramyhymes.com

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DO YOU KNOW WHAT BUTTERFLIES REPRESENT?

Butterflies are a symbol of resurrection, hope, joy, and new beginnings.  It is a symbol of rebirth and a transformation of change: meaning out with the old and in with the new.  Just like a caterpillar must go through several growth and development before it can become a beautiful butterfly, so must we go through several growth experiences in life before we experience our true purpose and get to a place of inner peace in life.  Like the caterpillar, many people have build a cocoon – a bubble or guard - around themselves (and around their hearts) and have not allowed themselves the opportunity to experience love, new things, and to psychologically grow and develop into the person they truly should be.  Just like it becomes necessary for the caterpillar to burst out of its own chrysalis – or cocoon like- surrounding and become the beautiful butterfly that it was meant to be, so must we break out of our comfort zone in order to become the predestined person that we were meant to become.  Just like butterflies go through a life cycle known as complete metamorphosis, so must we if we want to accomplish more than we ever have in our lives thus far.

Caterpillars face a major challenge as they grow because their skin cannot grow with them.  In order for a caterpillar to grow, develop, and change into the beautiful butterfly that it was ordained to become, it must go through five stages of development before it can emerge into its true being.  Finially, it is ready to emerge and reveal itself - or “pupate”- to the world.  A caterpillar must go through these stages (or obstacles) because its original skin that it was hatched with cannot support the massive growth that is needed for it to become a butterfly.  Because of this, it must make a new, larger skin underneath its outer skin.  Then, when it’s ready, it "sheds" the old skin, and the newer, larger skin underneath is exposed, allowing it more room to grow.  From there, the caterpillar transforms itself into a beautiful adult butterfly. But when the butter emerges from its chrysalis or cocoon, it is still not ready to fly quit yet.  It still has to rely on itself.  It must pump fluids from its own abdomen through the veins in its wings, which causes the wings to expand to their full size allowing it to be able to fly high.

So what can we humans learn from the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly?  Well first of all, we must allow ourselves to engage life to the fullest.  We have to take responsibility for our own adult growth and development and stretch into the person that we want to become.  The moral of the story is this:  Something that was once unattractive – the caterpillar – over time developed itself into something marvelous to the human eye.  So this goes to demonstrate to us that with time, self-improvement, dedication, commitment, and diligence, we too can resurrect ourselves and change or make a major transformation or makeover in our lives. 

So what do you need to put behind you these days?  What do you need to let go of so that you can develop into the beautiful butterfly that you were meant to be?   After going through some things in life – disappointments, hurts, resentments, setbacks, etc., - I know that you are now ready to put it behind you and experience a new beginning.  Remember, the butterfly had to rely on itself; it had to actually pump fluids from its own abdomen to sustain live to its wings – a necessary component for it to fly.   So when you are feeling down, think of a beautiful butterfly and what it had to go through to become what it is now.  

It’s time for you to replenish yourself and take flight today! Start anew: love more, laugh more, and take the time to learn how to develop yourself into what you want to become. 

Your rebirth can start today.  Be Blessed!

Your Success Coach,

Dr. Amy